365 Days of Maya - Day 132 - Reflecting

 A day of reflecting.

We dropped by Montford Hospital to pick up a few documents concerning my emergency C-section and Maya's jaundice. I took some time reading these documents and it was very upsetting to relive those moments. Reading the words "non-reassuring fetal heartbeat" took me back to that night and how things just kept going from bad to worse. I truly believe that the best way to live life is by letting go but I will admit that I am struggling to let go of how Maya was born. Every now and then I feel pangs of sadness knowing I did not give birth to her naturally. I am eternally grateful to modern medicine and the doctors and nurses at Montford for saving our lives. I am grateful I live in Canada because this medical intervention and excellent health care cost me nothing. I am grateful I get to take a year off to be a mother. And still every now and then I feel sad I didn't give birth to her naturally and disappointed my body let me down. I WILL let go of this..just not right now. 

In happier news Frankie and I had our first date today!! God I miss my husband. My sweet funny charming husband who has asked me to marry him many many times. Really! He always does something sweet and romantic and ends it with "Will you marry me?" and I always say yes! How lucky am I? Since our darling daughter refuses to take the bottle we had 2 hours to enjoy a lovely dinner before we had to head over to my parents to nurse her again. Thank you so much mum and dad!! It was such a spectacular night and we talked about how happy we were, the fun summers we had cutting grass at Carleton University and how great it felt to be parents.